I remember,

when I realized I had a feeling bottled up deep within me, a feeling I tend to suppress and deny it ever existed. That feeling was love. I found someone who I had feelings for, feelings I didn't know was there. At first me and him were just friends. Friends introduced by others. At first I thought he was just some guy nerd, stupid like the rest. A typical nerd boy who doesn't understand others, they just play video games to hide away from the world, like me. This boy who I grew close to and at the same time I was not aware of my own feelings deep down. Then i met another, her name was Ishie. I didn't know as time flew by the three of us were in a triangle love relationship. Where it got serious or friendly. Me and Ishie liked the nerd but I was quite young and unaware what was truly going on around me. I didn't know when they got together I felt a painful stab in my heart. At first I thought I was coming down with a sickness so I never told anybody how I felt. I became aware I truey loved him, but I love Ishie. I was happy they are happy and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my dear friends to be happy together. Even if it mean to hurting myself over and over. Time has passed, years, months, even many days I was informed they both went their separate ways. I was heartbroken into a million pieces. But that was hypocritical of me to feel that way, Ishie didn't want to talk to me and I had no idea how to contact Him. I knew after so many years have passed why should I care, what right do I have to be in the caring situation for the two. My friends, my dear friends. I still love you guys. Ishie I still see you as a dear friend to me! I never wanted us to break apart the way we did. I'm sorry. As for Him, I'm sorry I wasn't around, I'm sorry I disappeared, I'm sorry for not being a good or decent or even better friend. I really miss our time together. Even after thinking about it, saying it, screaming in my mind over and over I knew it wasn't any good. Things just don't go the way you want it to. Even after years later I get a call from Him during work my heart dropped suddenly. I answered, "Hello?" I hear the voice I longingly await to hear His voice. At the time it was bad timing to call but, I was so happy to hear him doing so well. Even now the feeling deep within buried so far into the earth shot out like a magic growth spurt. I wanted to see him so bad to the point I cried deep down. I wanted to see his face, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to give him my love, I wanted to just see him one more time. Even after we hung up after a short talk over the phone I felt so red, my face was red and so were my ears. Ever since he called we have been in contact for some time now. I'm glad but also being selfish and greedy. I wanted so much to see him but I already moved on. One cannot look back and regret the decision they made to move forward. It doesn't work that way. The path you choose is the route you will take. Looking back just makes you a a traitor. A Traitor huh, I have gone down that path before, this was different. Nick Quinn I have loved you since the way we have met, I cannot tell this to your face, no in person so let me say it here. I love you Nick and I always will, even if you get married and settled down and I get married and do the same I will always have a special feeling for you deep in my heart. I really hate myself I promised I wouldn't be like this. I can't help but keep all this bottled up deep inside me. I to if I were single for a while longer and seeing you after so long I would run to you and kiss you deeply. Even if we get old and die, I will still love you all the same. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for putting up with someone like me, thank you for everything Nick Quinn. Thank you fo reading this. It is the feelings that I will forever hold with me till I die. Even if I am to be condem to the pits of flames for this sin I have no regrets, I love you Nick Quinn. Thank you.